Spirituality and faith are complex to some, but as Orthodox Christians, we have the ability to understand those words and act on them throughout our life. Being a college student, sometimes it’s hard for us to keep the faith as we did growing up going to church every Sunday. However, there have been experiences within my life that remind me everyday what it feels like having faith like we do. These experiences come to me when my faith may be down, or when I haven’t been to church in awhile, and they show me how God is always looking out for us, no matter where we are.
For starters, it’s hard to talk about grief or loss in any way, but it makes it easier to talk about when there’s a story about coming back from it better and more grateful for your faith. The first thing that I thought of when I read this prompt is the loss of my significant other last year. That relationship started in high school, and I was completely sure that he would be my “high school sweetheart”/have my High School Musical moment in real life! Being together for five years (a quarter of my lifetime at that point) was extremely difficult to get through. I remember never thinking that I would feel better, and that this constant cloud over my head would never dissipate. Everyone would always tell me that it would get better with time, but I never believed them and would always think that I would be the outlier in this situation. This feeling went on for months, and when I would start to feel like myself again, something would happen that pushed me right back to square one. It went on like this for what seemed like years, when in reality it had only been three or four months.
My family was my root during all of this, always encouraging me to go out and enjoy things, reminding me of my faith, and doing whatever they could think of to help me get through this slump. I remember my dad stocking up on prayer bracelets for me because I would carry them everywhere and wanted to have them in every area that I could think of. At first using these prayer bracelets and praying when I needed to seemed pointless, because I was sure that nothing would make this feeling go away, not even God. Every time I would pray, I would picture in the movies where a voice came from somewhere and told me it was going to get better, but obviously that did not happen in reality and I assumed this was because I wasn’t given the ability to heal from this by God. Looking back at it now, I know that it isn’t a snap decision for God to just make me better in the morning (although that would’ve been pretty cool). I can tell now that everyday, me getting out of bed and doing things was God’s way of putting my pieces back together. There was no specific moment where I felt better, but it was a gradual feeling that kept bringing the weight off my chest, and I wholeheartedly believe this was God’s doing. After I realized that I wasn’t going to flip a switch and feel better, when I talked and prayed to God I felt lighter and better after. When I finally started to believe that I could get better, I did. It didn’t happen overnight, but I can 100% say now that although there are times I get sad, that heavy feeling that I was absorbed in and was sure I was never going to get rid of is long gone.
Although this experience was one of the hardest things I’ve been through, I would do it again because it brought me more clarity on my life, and most importantly, it brought me much closer to God. He felt like my pen pal by the time I realized I was doing better, and I am forever grateful for the Orthodox faith and my family going to church every Sunday because I don’t think I would have felt this freeing feeling as much as I did if I didn’t pray throughout this hardship. This experience pushes me to show other people in society how much believing in God can do for your life. Even if someone would deem their life “perfect,” just knowing that you have His presence on your side is always so comforting. Although I held the Orthodox faith beforehand, I feel it’s now magnified in a different and more profound way. I can truly tell people that ask about the Orthodox faith how it feels and how welcome everyone is. When my friends ask about church and how it may be different from their Catholic faith, I can explain it to them with much more ease and comfort than I think I would have two years ago. I would not be the person I am today without my faith, and I am so grateful that I get to share this faith with people throughout society.
