When someone is free, he has rights and obligations. When he gets married, he has few rights and very many obligations. When, however, he obtains children also, he has no rights, but only obligations.
Some people living carelessly in the world have asked me: 'We have wives and are beset with social cares, and how can we lead the solitary life?' I replied to them: 'Do all the good you can; do not speak evil of anyone; do not steal from anyone; do not hate anyone; do not be absent from Divine services; do not offend anyone; do not wreck another man's domestic happiness, and be content with what your own wives can give you. If you behave in this way, you will not be far from the Kingdom of Heaven.'
Today, with the voice of the archpastors of the Church, I am being called to enter into the archpastoral service. I do not presume myself worthy of such a dignity, aware as I am of my sinfulness; but I fear to refuse it, hearing the words which the Lord directed towards Peter who had sinned so grievously, though he later repented: 'If thou lovest Me, feed My sheep, feed My lambs .' In explaining this Gospel passage, St. John Chrysostom calls attention to the fact that as a proof of love it was none other than the podvig of pastoral service that the Lord demanded. Why is pastoral service so great in the eyes of the Lord? Because, in the words of the Apostle Paul, pastors are 'laborers together with God' (I Cor. 3:9). Christ came to earth to restore in man God's image which had grown defiled, to call people, to unite them as one that faith one mouth and one heart they would glorify their Creator.
It was said of Abba Mark the Egyptian that he lived for thirty years without going out of his cell. The priest used to take Holy Communion to him. But the devil, seeing the remarkable endurance of this man, decided to tempt him, by making him blame the priest. He brought it about that a demoniac went to the old man, under the pretext of asking for prayers. Before anything was said, the possessed man cried out to the old man, 'Your priest smells of sin, do not let him come near you any more.' But Mark, filled with the spirit of God, said to him, 'My son, everyone rids himself of impurity, but you bring it. It is written: ‘Judge not for that you be not judged.’ (Matt. 7:1) However, even if he is a sinner, the Lord will save him, for it is written: ‘Pray for one another that you may be healed.’' (James 5:16) When he had said this and when he had prayed, he drove the devil out of the man and sent him away healed. When the priest came, according to his custom, the old man received him with joy. Seeing the absence of malice in the old man, the good God showed him a marvel. When the priest prepared himself to stand before the holy table, this is what the old man related: 'I saw the angel of the Lord descent from heaven and place his hand on the priest’s head and he became like a pillar of fire. I was filled with wonder at this sight, and I heard a voice saying to me, ‘Man, why are you astonished at this? In truth, if an earthly king does not allow his nobles to stand in his presence in soiled garments, but only arrayed in glory, how much more will the divine power purify the servants of the holy mysteries who stand before the heavenly glory?’' And the noble athlete of Christ, Mark the Egyptian, became great and was judged worthy of this grace because he had not judged the priest.
The husband must bear in mind that his deeds and words should engender piety in his home. The wife must look after the house. However, in addition to that occupation, she must also attend to another, more pressing concern - that the whole family strive [to attain] the Heavenly Kingdom.
Marriage is the representation of an important reality. It is a representation of Jesus Christ and the Church. It is a mystery, and the mystery consists of this, the fact that the spouses are united and the two become one. In great silence, while all around them there is complete tranquility, the two are united and together form the image of God. One meets the other to make one body.
Ponder the truth of Christian marriage: man and wife are one flesh! Does it not follow that they must share all their possessions? And yet you two haggle over this property! And why? Because of words!
But there is hardly anything more serious than to be joined in marriage to a stranger (i.e., to an unbeliever), where the instigations both of lustful appetite and of disharmony and the shameful crimes of sacrilege are welded together. For if marriage itself needs to be sanctified by the priestly veil and blessing, how is it possible to speak of a marriage where there is no agreement in faith?
It is essential to summon the priests to confirm with prayers and blessings the couple in their life together, so that the groom’s love might intensify, the bride’s chastity of mind be strengthened, everything work to ensure that the virtues settle into their home, the machinations of the devil be scattered, and that the couple, united through God’s help, might spend their life in joy.
The husband and wife must lay virtue, and not passion, as the foundation of their love, that is, when the husband sees any fault in his wife, he must nudge her meekly, and the wife must submit to her husband in this. Likewise when a wife sees some fault in her husband, she must exhort him, and he is obliged to hear her. In this manner their love will be faithful and unbroken, and thereby having mutually composed their happiness, they shall take pleasure in the virtue.
Today, with the voice of the archpastors of the Church, I am being called to enter into the archpastoral service. I do not presume myself worthy of such a dignity, aware as I am of my sinfulness; but I fear to refuse it, hearing the words which the Lord directed towards Peter who had sinned so grievously, though he later repented: 'If thou lovest Me, feed My sheep, feed My lambs.' In explaining this Gospel passage, St. John Chrysostom calls attention to the fact that as a proof of love it was none other than the podvig of pastoral service that the Lord demanded. Why is pastoral service so great in the eyes of the Lord? Because, in the words of the Apostle Paul, pastors are 'laborers together with God' (I Cor. 3:9). Christ came to earth to restore in man God's image which had grown defiled, to call people, to unite them as one that faith one mouth and one heart they would glorify their Creator.
A house is a little church... let your prayers be common. Let each go to Church; and let the husband ask his wife at home, and she again ask her husband, the account of the things which were said and read there... Teach her that there is nothing in life that is to be feared, save only offending against God. If any marry thus, with these views, he will be but little inferior to monks.
Husbands, never call her simply by her name, but with terms of endearment, with honor, with much love. Honor her, and she will not need honor from others; she will not want the glory that comes from others, if she enjoys that which comes from thee. Prefer her before all, on every account, both for her beauty and her discernment, and praise her.
Listen to the word of God handed down to you through the priest, & do as it teaches you; look upon the priest as the messenger of God; love him as your Father; care for him as he cares for you; do not believe calumnies about him & do not spread gossip; be not scandalized at his shortcomings, and pronounce no judgment; pray for him, for his duty is heavy & the forces of evil are raised against him; if he teaches without carrying out his teaching himself, remember the words of St. Matthew 23: 2,3.
‘Wine makes glad the heart of man' (Ps. 104:15). But you who have professed sorrow and grief should turn away from such gladness and rejoice in spiritual gifts. If you rejoice in wine, you will live with shameful thoughts and distress will overwhelm you.
The joint prayer of husband and wife is a great force. That may be one of the reasons why the enemy is trying to get both of you to break this excellent habit. [This is] one more temptation which God permits so that you should learn to overcome it and come out of the testing stronger than before!
