You describe how bitterly you regret the inefficacy of your prayers. Beware: to wish for consolation or revelation in prayer is a sure sign of pride. Pray humbly, in perfect simplicity, seeking salvation only through forgiveness, & having faith that God will extend to you His mercy - as He did to the publican.
When said with pain, the prayer gives birth to mourning. Mourning brings tears. Tears in turn give birth to purer prayer. For tears like a fragrant myrrh wash away the filth, and thus the inbreathing of God is cleansed, which like a dove is confined within four walls, as if made of the four elements.... And then, as soon as the walls break down and collapse, the dove immediately flies to the Father whence it came.
Unless humility and love, simplicity and goodness regulate our prayer, this prayer - or, rather, this pretence of prayer - cannot profit us at all. And this applies not only to prayer, but to every labor and hardship undertaken for the sake of virtue.
Let us then not lose heart, nor be slothful or timid in prayer. Even if we have been brought down to the depths of evil, prayer can speedily draw us back.
Do not pray for the fulfillment of your wishes, for they may not accord with the will of God. But pray as you have been taught, saying: 'Thy will be done in me' (Luke 22.42). Always entreat Him in this way, that His will be done. For He desires what is good and profitable for you, whereas you do not always ask for this. Often when I have prayed, I have asked for what I thought was good, and persisted in my petition, stupidly importuning the will of God, and not leaving it to Him to arrange things as He knows is best for me, But when I have obtained what I asked for, I have been very sorry that I did not ask for the will of God to be done, because the thing turned out not to be as I thought.
And Jesus, when He was baptised, went up straightway out of the water; and lo, the heavens were opened unto Him, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon Him; and lo, a voice from heaven saying: 'This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.' The Spirit did not descend on Christ while He was down in the water, but when He came out of it. By this, the wisdom of God seeks to show us that the Spirit of God does not descend on the old man, who is alive to sin and dead to God, but only on the man spiritually re-born, who has died to sin and come alive to God.
Fire makes iron impossible to touch, and likewise frequent prayer renders the intellect more forceful in its warfare with the enemy. That is why the demons strive with all their strength to make us slothful in attentiveness to prayer, for they know that prayer is the intellect's invincible weapon against them.
When we return to prayer after a period of reading we find a rejuvenated and invigorated soul, stirred by the desire for God. The best form of prayer is one that implants the clearest idea of God in the soul and thus makes space for the presence of God within us. We become a temple of God when our continuous meditation on Him is not constantly interrupted by ordinary worries, and the spirit is not disturbed by unexpected emotions. Thus, in flight from all things, the spirit who loves God can approach God who drives out everything that leads us to evil, and holds steadfastly to everything that leads to virtue.
The most important thing in any good effort and the height of all activities is to persevere in prayer, by means of which we can always acquire through supplication the other virtues from God as well.
Tedium is the granddaughter of despondency, and the daughter of slothfulness. In order to drive it away, labor at your work, and do not be slothful in prayer. The tedium will pass, and zeal will come. And if to this you add patience and humility, then you will be rid of all misfortunes and evils.
Ask the angels and the saints to intercede for you, just as you'd ask people who are alive. Stand face to face with them, in the belief that they are also standing face to face with you.
