When we are incapable of scaling the peaks of virtue, all we have to do is to descend into the ravine of humility. Our humility is our surest intercessor before the face of the Lord.
'God does not create crosses for people ie cleansing spiritual and physical sufferings. And however heavy that cross may be for that individual, the tree that produces its timber grows from the soil of his heart.' The Starets also said: 'If a person walks a straight path, for him there is no cross. However, when he starts to lurch from one side to the other, then different circumstances appear which push him back onto the right track. These elements constitute a cross for a person. Of course they occur differently, according to the individual’s need.' 'Sometimes The cross is a mental one, confusing the individual with sinful thoughts. But the person is not at fault if he doesn’t accede to them. The Starets cited an example: ‘ Once a female ascetic was agitated for a long period over having unchaste thoughts. When Christ appeared and drove them away from her, she cried out to Him: ‘Sweet Jesus, where were You up to this time?’ Christ replied: ‘I was in your heart.’ She said: ‘How can that be? But my heart was filled with unchaste thoughts.’ And Christ said to her: ‘Therefore understand that I was in your heart, and that you had no disposition toward those unclean thoughts but more so, endeavored to liberate yourself from them. Not being able to do so, you suffered over them, thereby preparing a place for me in your heart.’ 'Sometimes, suffering is sent to an innocent person, so that he, as with the example of Christ, suffers for others. Christ Himself suffered for people. Likewise, His Apostles were tortured for the Church and people. To have absolute love means to suffer for your close ones.'
How harmful is the praise of man! Even though a person may have done something worthy of praise, when he enjoys the sound of praise he is already deprived of future glory, according to teachings of the holy fathers.
And consider the reward how great! 'That ye be like your Father which is in the heavens.' So then you have been deprived of nothing, yea, you have been a gainer: you have received no wrongs, rather you have been crowned; in that you are become better disciplined in soul; are made like to God; are set free from the care of money; are made possessor of the kingdom of heaven. All these things therefore taking into account, let us restrain ourselves in injuries, beloved, in order that we may both be freed from the tumult of this present life, and cast out all unprofitable sadness of spirit, and may obtain the joy to come; through the grace and loving kindness of our Lord Jesus Christ, with Whom to the Father and the Holy Spirit be glory, power, honor, now, henceforth, and for ever and ever. Amen.
What does spoil repentance is being again entangled in the same evils. 'For there is one' we read, 'who builds, and one who pulls down, what have they gained more than toil? He who is dipped in water because of contact with a dead body, and then touches it again, what has he gained by his washing?' Even so if a man fasts because of his sins, and goes his way again, and does the same things, who will hear his prayer? And again we read 'if a man goes back from righteousness to sin the Lord will prepare him for the sword,' and, 'as a dog when he has returned to his vomit, and become odious, so is a fool who by his wickedness has returned to his sin.'
How many are there that say: how much I wish to see Christ's fair form, His figure, His clothes. His very shoes. Why, here you see Him: you touch Him; you consume Him: and while you are longing to see His clothes, He gives you Himself, not to look at only, but to touch and to eat and to receive within you .... For it was not enough for Him to become man. Nor yet to be buffeted and slain. He ever mingles Himself with us, and makes us His Body, not by faith alone, but in very truth and reality,...That which the Angels behold with trembling and dare not gaze on with fear because of the radiance that beams from Him, with that we are fed.
Whether you pray with brethren or alone, try to pray not simply as a routine, but with conscious awareness of your prayer. Conscious awareness of prayer is concentration accompanied by reverence, compunction and distress of soul as it confesses its sin with inward sorrow.
You describe how bitterly you regret the inefficacy of your prayers. Beware: to wish for consolation or revelation in prayer is a sure sign of pride. Pray humbly, in perfect simplicity, seeking salvation only through forgiveness, & having faith that God will extend to you His mercy - as He did to the publican.
Ponder the truth of Christian marriage: man and wife are one flesh! Does it not follow that they must share all their possessions? And yet you two haggle over this property! And why? Because of words!
Remember that a good action is always either preceded or followed by temptations. God permits this so that the virtue, exercised in that particular action, may be confirmed, consolidated, steeled.
Let us therefore not cling to things that even now are fleeing from us, but to things that remain and endure, so that we may be blessed with them for ever, by the grace and loving kindness of Jesus Christ our Lord...
For nothing can so make a man an imitator of Christ as caring for his neighbors. Indeed, even though you fast, or sleep on hard ground, or even suffer unto death, but should take no thought for your neighbor, you have done nothing great; despite what you have done, you will still stand far from this model of a perfect Christian.
Do not pray for the fulfillment of your wishes, for they may not accord with the will of God. But pray as you have been taught, saying: 'Thy will be done in me' (Luke 22.42). Always entreat Him in this way, that His will be done. For He desires what is good and profitable for you, whereas you do not always ask for this. Often when I have prayed, I have asked for what I thought was good, and persisted in my petition, stupidly importuning the will of God, and not leaving it to Him to arrange things as He knows is best for me, But when I have obtained what I asked for, I have been very sorry that I did not ask for the will of God to be done, because the thing turned out not to be as I thought.
